Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
