you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
