So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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