How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
