thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize