ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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