I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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