Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If that was your dad, he is hot
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
