Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
