If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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