i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
