Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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