Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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