I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
