omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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