They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
