your room smells of hookers.
And success
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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