You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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