I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
