I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
