I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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