he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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