He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
