I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
