happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
