that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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