not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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