So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
