Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
