Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
