i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
