Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i've created a new STD.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
