I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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