ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
