Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
