i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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