Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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