he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
