even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
