I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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