Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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