I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
