I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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