who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
