And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
