a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
