So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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