I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
