Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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