your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs