I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"