why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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