literally had 100 drinks last night.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt