Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him