Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...