i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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