Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
