Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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