what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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