we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
