just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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