i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
