Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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