doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
