I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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