meet me or not, i'm out of control
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
