So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
