just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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