dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
