my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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