I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
