I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
