why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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