yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
