the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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