it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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